Sleep (again)

from here

I know that sleep deprivation comes with babies so I feel like I can’t whinge about it; it’s like being cranky that your banana comes with a peel, because you don’t want the peel, you just want the banana, you know? YOU CAN'T HAVE THE BANANA WITHOUT THE PEEL, AND YOU WANT THE BANANA SO BE QUIET. Did this point need illustrating? I’m too sleepy to know. Anyway, I’m not surprised by the sleep deprivation this time around, but I am shocked by how worn out it’s possible to become while still managing to make it from morning through to evening AND keep little people alive and fairly content during that time. I’ve slowed down considerably, and am often very aware of my heartbeat –  

baBoom… baBoom… baBoom… baBoom… 

I hear it talking to me:

I’mGoing… toStop… ifYou… don’t…. (it skips a beat to reinforce the message). 

Apparently being overtired makes it harder to do things like falling asleep, which seems like a cruel glitch in our makeup that should have been ironed out a little while ago. Falling asleep is hard not only when when you’re too tired to remember how to actually drop off, but also when you develop such a hatred of being woken too early that you decide that not falling asleep will be less painful, or when you’re so exhausted that getting through tomorrow seems impossible, and the only way to postpone tomorrow is to stay awake tonight. I know it doesn’t make sense, but not much does right now. 

I’d really love someone to look out for my tired signs like I watch for Hazel’s and to scoop me up and say to me, “Oh, my darling, look at you! You’re so sleepy! I’m putting you to bed now and I want you to have a loooooong nap.” I want to be able to wake whenever I’m ready to rather than whenever I’m called for. I want to sleep for 8 hours, uninterrupted. I’d settle for 7. I JUST WANT SLEEP. And Lorde’s album. But mostly sleep.