Slobber

When Moses was a baby I gave him my mobile phone to slobber on. It promptly died, but fortunately my brother no longer needed his old one which happened to be exactly the same model as mine had been. He posted it to me, it was awesome, I gave it to Moses, he slobbered on it, it died too. Both now live in our toy box (because HELLO, toy manufacturers, babies don’t like mobile phones because they’re mobile phones, they like them because they’re shiny and smooth and they light up, which is why they’re not interested in your oversized plastic “mobile phone” toys. If you want to make a toy that babies will go for, take the things that babies like about mobile phones [shiny, smooth, lights up] and MAKE UP SOMETHING WITH THOSE. The same applies to keys).

ANYWAY, the toy box is often a lot further away from me than my mobile phone is, so I may or may not have given Hazel my phone to play with (I did. I gave her my phone) and now all conversations on it sound as if they’re being held on the ocean, and I’m in one boat and the person on the other end is in another one, way over there. 

But you try saying no to this: