Expectations

As I mentioned in a previous post, I was told while pregnant with Hazel that when she was born I should spend time with Moses while she slept, presumably because she would require most of my attention while awake and this way Moses would still enjoy some quality one-on-one mum time. It’s great advice, but it assumes that the baby will kindly stagger her sleep times; mine obviously never received that memo. In reality, they’re usually both awake at the same time, which means a lot of my day involves being yelled at by one child while I tend to the needs of the other, or, if I put my foot down and insist on doing something extravagant for myself like eating breakfast or showering, being yelled at by both children at the same time.

Throughout my pregnancy with Hazel I never worried that I’d have enough love to cover both her and Moses, I knew I would. It turns out my time is harder than my heart to divide. I expected to be my best mothery self for both kids, making the most of the moments I had alone with each; instead, there isn’t much time alone with either, and I mostly feel like I’m split in two (three, if I include myself), always neglecting at least one person.

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Since Hazel arrived, I’ve noticed how limited Mo’s energy and volume settings are.

The other day I caught myself feeling irritated and thinking, “This boy is driving me crazy!” I realised not long after that he was just acting like a three-year-old, and in fact it’s been me driving myself crazy by expecting him not to.