Monday, June 18, 2012

Things I don’t want to hear right now...

...and how I'd respond if I had a faster-thinking brain.
from here
You’ll have lots more babies!”
Firstly, unless God woke you one night to tell you this especially, you can’t possibly know. Secondly, considering I hate being pregnant and we don’t want a large family, I very much hope you’re wrong. 

I know a woman who had a D & C and was pregnant 3 weeks later!”
Good for her! I get that you’re telling me that you know of successful pregnancies after D & Cs, but the thought of falling pregnant again immediately is not at all appealing to me right now. I’d prefer to let my hormones resettle and recover emotionally from this round and enjoy some nausea-free catch-up sex for a little while before jumping in again, thanks.

“Were you stressed? Maybe you should have your spine checked.”
Really? Are you implying that the miscarriage was my fault? Because I feel crap enough already without also blaming myself for possibly worrying too much or neglecting to see a chiropractor.

“At least you know you can have healthy babies.”
Uh... no, actually. I know I can have one healthy baby. Considering the pregnancies-gone-wrong now outnumber the one pregnancy that went right, I don’t know that I can have another healthy baby. That’s exactly my fear.

Thank you for letting me vent. I'll cheer up and move on soon.


  1. :( Sorry to hear people have been saying well-meaning but unhelpful stuff to you. Massively sucky! I've been praying for you guys too. I am still keen to catch up together! Just had the most massive weekend ever, which has left me half-dead, so will be in touch when I am somewhat revived :)

  2. Still praying. Good on you for doing this series, I hope it's helpful. I found some reactions from others pretty painful.

    For me there were two catagories- the 'i know someone who had a worse time' stories, which are I guess meant to make you feel better?? 'Oh, you lost your baby at 12 weeks? That's awful. My friend lost a baby at 15 weeks, and had to blah blah blah blah...' Well, I'm sorry for your friend, and their story is worse than mine. But kindly shut up, now's not the time thanks.

    And the other catagory were the comments that gave the vibe that this was only affecting my wife, so why should I be down in the dumps? Never that blatant, but that was the vibe. From your posts, and obviously from seeing my wife, I know that for the mother it is way more personal, and intense, and terrible, and invasive and horrible. but it's not a walk in the park forthe dad either- he's just lost a child as well.

    Anyway, I think it's one of those areas, where people totally mean well, but just don't really know what to say exactly. No point getting bitter. I'm sure I've responded insensitively and awkwardly to a stack of other issues people have faced. And maybe not even known.

    Anyways, sorry for the long comment. Will continue to pray for you.

    1. Thanks for your prayers, Ben, and your long comment! It's so true that dads get forgotten in miscarriages - maybe we need a blog post from a dad's perspective? ;o) My husband has been shaken just as much as I have by the loss each time but hasn't had nearly as many chances to talk about and process it with others.