Food fashion

I heard recently that more quinoa needs to be planted to keep up with the new demand for it. Quinoa’s so hot right now. Kale seems to be too, I’m seeing it everywhere. I recently bought a packet of kale chips because they were reduced to a price that was merely three times (rather than seven-ish) the cost of regular potato chips, so I figured I’d give them a burl. They were pineapple and coconut kale chips, and reading the ingredients made my mouth water; alas, upon my first mouthful my taste buds suffered a shock from which they never recovered. I must have thought that kale was seaweed-y rather than spinach-y, and also that the ‘chips’ would look like actual chips, rather than vegetables that had been dried and then vomited on. Both expectations were hastily dashed.

I tried tricking Mo into eating them (“Hey, little buddy! You want some of these super awesome tasty chips I bought yesterday?!”) but he was understandably wary (When does Mum ever save me chips?) and refused to try more than one, so Hazel finished them on her own.

You know what else I’ve noticed? All pork is ‘pulled’ now, and all caramel is ‘salted’. What happened to regular pork and caramel – where are they right now? I miss them. Their adjectivey counterparts are too pretentious for my liking (yummy, but pretentious). Do foods know that their fame will be shortlived, or is it profoundly upsetting for them when their names are wiped from café menu boards and they realise that everyone’s moved on? I worry for them. Is there a Support Group for Foods that are No Longer Trendy (SGFNLT)? A place where sundried tomatoes, cabanossi and pickled onions are currently meeting weekly to cry to and cuddle each other? I hope so.