Teeth

Going to the dentist makes my day!

Some people like to spend thousands of dollars on a holiday, or a new car. Some like to splurge on spa treatments or entertainment. Not me! I like going to the dentist and spending all of my money there! Who needs holidays when one can instead recline on a plastic chair in the clinical comfort of a dentist’s office, enjoying the gaggy sensation of having one’s mouth occupied for hours by the fingers of two separate people, a mirror, a whiny drill, a sucker, and a plastic prop designed to keep one’s jaw stretched open wide? Who?! And who would go see a band or a play or ballet when one could instead watch David Attenborough’s Kingdom of Plants 3D (no sound) while mists of spittle spray from one’s mouth and settle prettily over one’s face? There really is no better way to spend one’s dosh than at the dentist, that’s what I say! That’s where you’ll find me most weekends for the rest of the year, being pampered! (Well, probed and prodded, which is the same thing, kind of!) Hurrah!

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I have terrible teeth, which may or may not have anything to do with the fact that I had my mouth checked by a dentist only two times in my first 26 years of life. Since then I’ve spent thousands – THOUSANDS, people – of dollars having holes filled and roots canalled and crowns added in the hope that at least some of my own actual teeth will stick around to celebrate my 60th birthday with me (I’ve promised pavlova – my teeth love pavlova [which also may or may not have something to do with the fact that I have terrible teeth]).

Photo by Diane Sylvester. Additions to the photo by me.

Moses has good teeth. In fact, Mo thought his teeth were so great, he grew an extra one, which is why he needs to see an orthodontist later this month. One (small) positive thing about Mo’s “supernumerary” tooth is that it’s made me okay with his finger-sucking over the years; when people have told me I should try to stop the finger-sucking in order to ward off future orthodontic issues, I’ve been able to explain that it seemed to me that his extra tooth would come in higher on the list of Things To Worry About, Orthodontically Speaking, so I was okay with letting the finger-sucking continue for a bit longer. One (giant) negative thing about his extra tooth is that it’s pushing all of his regular, supposed-to-be-there teeth out of the way and freaking out dentists and parents alike about what will happen when the next batch of teeth want to grow through but can’t find room. There has been covert talk of extraction. I am very nervous about the appointment.