You know those times in life when something’s so big for you that you obsess over it and you google it and you read about it and you talk about it and it’s all you want to obsess over/google/read and talk about but you’re aware that others aren’t quite so keen on the topic as you are and so you just avoid people so that a) you don’t accidentally spew information at them and make them wish they hadn’t hung out with you, and b) they don’t bore you with their non-[your obsession] talk? Right now, that thing for me is sleep. SLEEP. I want to update Facebook every day with posts about how many hours of sleep I’m (not) getting so that people can comment sympathetically, but I won’t. I WON’T, DAMMIT.
I will update here, though. Just briefly.
I am EXHAUSTED, man. I haven’t slept for longer than 3 hours in a while. It’s not completely Hazel’s fault; sometimes she’s sleeping and I could be going to sleep but she’s snoring and I find it impossible to drift off when there’s a noise that I know to expect after a predictable interval, like snores – I start counting the beats between snores and then singing songs that tie in with the rhythm, and it’s VERY. DISTRACTING.
So Hazel snores and I think, “Ugh, this is annoying. I should be falling asleep right now, not singing silly snoring songs.” And I toss up whether or not to poke her and eventually I decide I won’t and then all of the sudden she stops! Then I think, “Okay, sleep time!”, but I wait and, after some minutes pass, I start to think, “Argh, she’s not making any noise; what if she just died?” and I lie there wondering if I should get closer to see if she’s still breathing and then deciding that I’m being ridiculous and then imagining what I’d do if she did die and then I have to tell myself sternly to STOP and just GO TO SLEEP. And then Hazel makes a noise and I relax and then I sleep. That’s a full 30 minutes (more, sometimes) I’m missing out on just because of my stupid, stupid brain.
Speaking of my brain, yesterday I said “brown paper” instead of “brain power” and accidentally smooshed the names of my children together (“Hazes”) instead of referring to just one. *YAWN*